A deadly heart murmur & Hilarious Andrew-his humor.

Published on: Wed, 18 Jun 2008 09:20:33 -0700

Andrew was a strange but hilarious character. As a kid he was mostly out of school playing hooky or torturing poor cats by hanging them from trees or by trying to make them fall asleep while encaged and standing over a body of water. After high school, Andrew milked his mother for two years by pretending to be going to college to become a doctor but was instead going to the movies. After his mother found out about his college scheme, she threw him out of the house. He had to quickly find a job. Subsequently, he took a summer job delivering the U.S. mail in south-central Los Angeles, for some reason his workdays were short. Apparently he read about the postal guy in New York that had been delivering no mail for years. That postman had simply stored the mail in his basement. Andrew instead was delivering only the mail he considered important and throwing away all of the advertisements. One day a girl with naturally large breasts that appeared as if bursting at the seams was telling him how her last boyfriend had turned gay. Andrew felt certain that her big breasts had turned the guy gay. One morning Andrew asked me if I knew how to make a chicken go crazy? "How?" I asked. "Feed it scrambled eggs," he said. To Andrew, his joke was funny as he was eating like never before (munchies!). He probably had smoked something that Bill Clinton had inhaled. Later he became concerned that he was not absorbing his food since he would have to go to the bathroom to evacuate his bowel movement as soon as he ate. Andrew felt certain that his food was going right through his body. He simply was swallowing a lot of air and was having the irritable bowel syndrome. Once at a restaurant, he bolted out of the bathroom feeling sick to his stomach because he noted that the cook had not watched his hands after having had a large bowel movement. After that, he developed a strategy on how to eat fast food before the cooks had to go to the bathroom (before their lunch hour). At another time he became concerned because his urine was coming out hot. I simply told him that his urine was coming out at 98.6 ºF, the body's temperature. Andrew wanted me to touch his "hot urine" but I refused. Andrew use to love the nightclubs. He used to pad his private part with a pair of socks in order to impress the girls with "bulk." He was always concerned about his weight and he took some pills that were supposed to work as he slept. In his desperate quest, he decided to get some liposuction in Tijuana, Mexico. Before the trip, he weighed 180 pounds. Two weeks after the procedure, he still weighed the same. For a few months he chose not to work and milked his older brother by claiming that he had a bad hip. Once his older brother found out that he was faking it, Andrew got kicked out of the house again. He got a job as a cook and he took to wearing aviator glasses with a funny hat with beaver flaps on the sides. They began to call him Helicopter but he laughed it off. He had a theory about everything. One day he felt certain that gay men had a clitoris in the rectum. He was quick to say, "Not from any personal experience, mind you." Andrew liked girls with an operational car. His car was most often broken down or in the shop. His unusual good looks did get him a lot of girls. The girls use to drop him as soon as he opened his mouth. Some time later he developed a personal crisis because he was being sued for child support. He reported work related back pain in order to take a few months off work with pay in order to cope with his crisis. Eventually he had to return to work in order to pay child support but lamented that with those monthly payments he could have bought a Porsche. Once Andrew learned how the singer, Prince, obsessively used to make his girlfriend sleep in her make up. Andrew decided to have his temporary live in girlfriend get up an hour before him so that she could put "her mask on." This story about Andrew is a work in progress. I like to comment on the patient with severe aortic stenosis and regurgitation (video-audio). He needed emergency heart surgery, aortic valve replacement but the HMO's cardiologist was refusing him this life saving procedure. The man had a young family and turned to me in order to force the HMO to provide him with necessary care. After my intervention, he got his surgery and he's well today. My service was provided pro bono-I simply recorded his murmur for doctors of medicine to learn auscultation and thus save other patients. If your doctor controls your health care dollar, there is an inherent danger that he may limit necessary care in order to improve his profit. If you have excessive health care access, you may risk getting something you don't need. Over 47,000 people die yearly in the U.S. in the process of getting something they did not need. © 2008 L. Lomeli/Beta

Author: LuisLomeliMD
Keywords: health care deaths heart murmur aortic stenosis regurgitation Dating Personals Random Community Luis Lomeli M.D.
Added: June 18, 2008